Sunday, November 30, 2008

No Sword, No Shield...


I'm fighting against a legion of soldiers, but with no sword, no shield. I'm pushing through them, as they crowd around me. They draw out their swords and clubs against me.
Sharp pains shoot through my body. I gasp as I watch a sword being plunged into my guts. I can't take it any more! I fall to the ground, blood oozing out of my mouth. My lungs are heavy, my heart is beating... slowly... slowly... slower... as its strength fades away. My eye sight becomes blurry as my eyes fill up with tears and blood.
Gradually, everything starts turning dark. Slowly. I'm helplessly running out of breath, as everything fades away and my being is left to wallow in a dimension of darkness. I'm trapped. How do I get out?
All because I fought against a legion of soldiers, with no sword, no shield...

Friday, November 21, 2008


*Sigh...*
We just received word from our client that he will not be requiring our services any more. When my fellow colleagues and I heard about this, we were devastated. I mean, how ungrateful can people be? And they give us short notice. The outsourcing company I work for has been working for this American based company for almost a year and a half, and out of the blues, these nice people decide that they don't need our services anymore. So, the deal is, we need to go for training for another account, to work for another client with a totally different product. Transition periods! Who enjoys them? I know I don't. A totally unplanned for diversion. So much happening at once. This news caught me when I was thinking of drafting a resignation letter, because I need to go to media school early next year, and the holidays are coming up, so I thought it'd be great if I had a good, long rest before the starting of next year. Then I thought that the company would need me at this time of transition.
Then I think to myself, maybe my employer is going to see me as a useless liability who's afraid of change. But let's view it from this perspective, because I'm still quitting, so don't view me as a selfish employee:
If I do decide to stay and work through the holiday, which would include three weeks of training, I'd be training for nothing, because, next year, I'll still be expected to start school. So, what point would there be in training for something I'm not even going to be around to do?
If I decide to stay, then quit in January to go to school, I'd be ruining some one's chance to get that vacancy that I'd be occupying, only to drop it after a few weeks. I don't mean to blow my horn, but that right there's being thoughtful.
Just to make it clear, I'm NOT afraid of transitions. I don't like 'em, but I'm not afraid of them. But I must say, I'm glad I don't have to go through the draining process. So, I'll have me a nice, relaxing holiday, without any boss to breathe down my neck. What? I need this rest! This year has been challenging for me, and I think I deserve this. It's not like I haven't given a lot to this company. I've been doing crazy shifts, I've worked overtime, my social life is in shambles because of this job, and I don't get enough time for the family. For instance, I get to see my mother twice a week. TWICE A WEEK! Only on my off days. (Call me "Mama's boy," or whatever. I don't care. I love my Mom).
So, I hope I'm clear about one thing, I'm not afraid of change... but I quit!

HIS...

Just when you think that things are about to flow smoothly, almost everything falls apart. Everything was taken care of. There was absolutely nothing to worry about. But suddenly, your predicaments and expectations are burnt away like chaff, little particles that are blown by the wind. The worst part about it is, you watch as it happens, because there is nothing you can do to make things better. You can't reach out and recollect what you're losing.
So sure of yourself, when you look back at it, you can admit that a little bit of pride found itself in your head. Just when you're gloating in victory, when you pop your collar, telling yourself, "Wow! I managed, I made it!" The thought of where you came from, or who took you from that place, or how you came from that place is not even in your head. You're caught up in the moment, full of yourself.
Then that's when the cookie crumbles. Everything, EVERYTHING reduced to rubbles. Your time, your emotion, your prayers, your trust, your belief, all seem like fruitless efforts. Just like walking on water, then suddenly, you start to sink.
So, when your plans are thwarted, and you're standing alone in the dark, with your head weighing a tonne, because you're feeling so foolish; at that moment, a big force, like hurricane, sweeping along anything in it's way, hits you HARD. The force throws you from where you're standing, before you can even hold yourself to something. You have no control whatsoever. This ruthless force throws you violently, to wherever it wishes. This force...
Picture a lioness, in the jungle, that's caught sight of a defenseless baby gazelle. The predator crouches with surety. It has its eyes fixed on its interest. The tall, brown savannah grass adds to its advantage. She moves slowly towards the baby gazelle that wondered off from the rest of the herd. The gazelle is completely unaware of the preditor's presence, and goes about its business, grazing peacefully. "Mmh... tasty grass... Life is so good. I mean, what could go wrong?" Just then, a single pounce! Another loss to the herd. The lioness, with her teeth sunk deep into baby gazelle's neck, carries away her day's trophie.
Okay, now take the above example, and call the lioness -- Fear. Fear just GRIPS you and digs its claws deep into your flesh. A strong force that hits the wind out of you, and you're left breathless.
Then you realize, 'Wow, I've got nothing by myself. I'm weak without my source of strength.'
Then, with your weak legs no longer able to hold you, you fall on your knees, in tears, hoping that this time, He'll help you out of this fear. Your eyes are not even on His hand, but on His face. You just want to love Him, not for what He has to offer, but for who He is. You're so sorry you forgot whose you were... His.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Boat

Just heard something from some random guy called Jason, but it's pretty deep.
He says, "Just like a boat is wonderful in water, and not so wonderful when water is in the boat, we as Christians are called to be in the world, but the world is not supposed to be in us."
Wow, Jason, I might not know who you are, but you're awesome.
God bless you...
Wow!
This is so exciting for me. I just created a blogspot! Yes, I know I sound like a kid, but hey, let's just put it this way -- I've got a new toy!
Anyway, I enjoy reading my friends' blogs, but I realized that in their blogs, I see so much of them in their posts. So, I thought, this is one of the best ways one can express themselves; just blog away. So, Here I am, blogging. :)
Writing just relaxes everything within me; physically, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I just feel like my being is just about to burst, so, what do I do? I write away. Then as I do so, I feel my inner being calming down, like a tamed tiger that takes heed of his trainer's command.
Anyway, I can say that I'm the kind of dude that does not like multitasking, but I find myself forced to do so. Maybe because I don't do things in a systematic manner, so by the time I really set myself to tackle them, things are all mixed up and I'm forced to multitask. By the way, I must say, multitasking is best understood by the ladies. A dude can break down while multitasking, and if you're a multitasker gentleman, you will agree with me.
Anyway, back to my point: With all these errands in my head, multitasking and all, I just need to break free and pour out whatever's in my heart.
I'm gonna have fun doing this. And for all who say that I'm ever too busy to let them know how I'm doing, you can now get to know on my blog.
Peace...